Thursday, July 06, 2006

Reassurance for your life.


(Does an average WASP bred, white picket fence, 2.5 children, dog and cat family good.)

On the way to Fourbucks* this morning, my companions were in the middle of a very stimulating conversation about life insurance, and things of such relevance. They were talking about how their spouse should use the money, things like that. But it's a really creepy thing, to think that you're buying something that's going toward your death. You're not even going to be able to enjoy it! You're paying for something that as of now, you will never see a penny of, and in fact lose money with. And the fact that you're anticipating your death... That's why I'm in no hurry to write my will. It's like saying, "Okay, God. I've decided where everything's going. Beam me up, Scotty!"

I seriously wonder how many life insurance salesmen have a tendency to make people cry. "Would you like to buy something that will only benefit you after your husbands death?"**

Now that I've thought it over, maybe I would like SOME kind of insurance. In fact, I wonder if they have Zombie coverage...

I wonder what kind of life insurance company would carry that kind of coverage, and to what degree?

Maybe they only carry the naturally attained flesh eating zombie kind. The self inflicted virus kind, or Sumatran Rat Wolf infected kind isn't covered by most companies. And they only have a limited offer kind, available in the month of October when zombies are obviously running rampant throughout the nation.

I'm hoping they would also provide a quick and painless option. If I turned zombie, I would want them to cut off my head, cut out my heart, burn my body parts and respective organs seperately, and then spread them throughout four major bodies of water on the earth. Heck, even shooting my ashes out into space sounds good as long as both my body and soul are at rest. But even then, I'm not sure if life insurance covers the soul part of death.

I wonder what kind of special extras you could sign up for, too... Maybe protection for your family from yourself? A self containment center, sort of like an entertainment center. Available for the family members who still want to visit you, but want the protection of three inches of glass just in case there's not enough human left in you to have mercy with your own flesh and blood... *evil laughter* And for those unfortunate families who can't afford any of those special offers, they'll give the family of the recently deceased, but still up and running a complimentary roll of duct tape to keep your flesh on your body, and see how affective it really is on mouths.

I'm rambling now. This is waaay too much. But at least whoever signed up for that insurance has the possibility of seeing that money again, even if it is in a sort of maniacal dead way...

*Coffee from Starbucks is around 4 dollars a cup. When will the madness end?! At least I'm not a coffee drinker... No, I'm a sucker for their blueberry muffins and such... Darn.

**...Of course the wife's all for it, and the husband realizes his place in the marriage, breaks down and cries, and tries to kill himself that night. ("Sorry, we don't cover suicides.")


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