Wednesday, June 14, 2006

"Are you ready for Bio Engineered Buddies?"

"Upon waking from its dormant state the Genpet™ will immediatly bond or imprint to your child."

First of all, let me start off by saying: What the crap? These things are worse than Furbies*

Second of all, I can just imagine a little kid getting one for Christmas.

The unknowing little boy is sitting beneath the Christmas tree opening package after package, until he comes across something that that doesn't quite make sense in his brain.

He presents the package questioningly to his parents.

"Mom, Dad, what is it?"

The parents reply with a puzzled look. Both inquire amongst themselves.

"Did you get him that one?"

"No, I thought maybe you did..."

All the while, the little boy, strangely intrigued by the creature looking thing in the package starts to open it up until it is fully revealed. The creature slowly sits up in its encasing, blinks and looks at its surroundings, and focuses on the boy holding it.

"Mommy, look. It's sorta cu--AH!!!"

The creature lunges itself at the boy, baring sharp incisors, razor-like claws, and going immediately for the jugular...

It'll be on everyone's post-Christmas return list faster than Ryan Seacrest gets another job offer.

*My family got a Furby for Christmas once. Before opening the package, or even opening the bag to let it out, we all agreed that it never left the living room. It had a little camera on it's head, and we were certain that the camera was secretly linked to the government or something. We formed a circle around it to see what it did. It opened its bulging eyes to gurgle a little something. It looked like the creature from Gremlins. It didn't take long for us to throw it away, either because we got bored, or out of paranoia.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Cheeto Ecstasy

After leaving a bag of Cheetos on my desk last night, I came back to pick them up this afternoon, only to find that I had left two in the bag. To not waste them, I decided to eat those two Cheetos.
The first was suprising, for while placing the orange puff between my teeth, the food piece almost immediately deflated, with some resistance. The sound that came from the piece was almost that of the muffled wheeze when taking the cap off of the entrance to the gas tank of a vehicle. It felt, if you can imagine, almost as it sounded. Even after biting it, the puff stayed whole, requiring some griding of molars, and finally I swallowed.
I repeated this process with the second Cheeto, and realized that never again would I encounter two Cheetos quite like those. Their texture, taste, and smell may liken unto their comrades that previously inhabited the bag. However, the experience was one that is not so easily granted, nor forgotten.

And this, my fair comrades, is a compilation of my thoughts as of this moment.

If the reader thinks that this account is eerie, one should inquire about my thoughts on stale Frosted Flakes...

Until next entry. :)