Thursday, July 27, 2006

There IS a God...

Wow. Today I got exactly what I need. And apparently last night, since I was saved by an angel.

First off, I got a very pleasant call from a very good friend. And you know what? It wasn't even the fact that the only reason they called was to get a ticket number for a class I'm taking too. That was just an extreme plus that I'm not entirely sure is going to follow through. Either way, it was the fact that they CALLED! I thought I was about to explode off of my chair the moment I saw a familliar number show up on the screen on my cell phone.*

And then! I had waaay too much sugar today, what with the daily consumption of Pop Tarts. I was feeling all sugared out, wishing I had some money in my account to actually buy something of semi-nutritional value, when two kind smiling door to door representatives decided to share their wealth with the office. They left two hot, steaming bowls of nuggets on my desk, in exchange for me promising them that, "Yeah, sure, I'll distribute your coupons throughout the office, just give me the dang nuggets**!"

And now! I have two rather unique websites to introduce. Visit them... OR DIE!

Houseplant Picture Studio

*Wow. The fact that I let my cell phone determine my mood for the day is nothing to be proud of. It's scary how the world as we know it today allows and encourages things like this. But that's another journal...

**When will we be able to answer that question that has forever been stumping mankind since the beginning of time: Where is the nugget on a chicken?

***I'm going through her whole archive just to catch up with her life... This is fun reading material! It's made me laugh like a little school girl. Wait... That hits a little too close to home...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Reassurance for your life.


(Does an average WASP bred, white picket fence, 2.5 children, dog and cat family good.)

On the way to Fourbucks* this morning, my companions were in the middle of a very stimulating conversation about life insurance, and things of such relevance. They were talking about how their spouse should use the money, things like that. But it's a really creepy thing, to think that you're buying something that's going toward your death. You're not even going to be able to enjoy it! You're paying for something that as of now, you will never see a penny of, and in fact lose money with. And the fact that you're anticipating your death... That's why I'm in no hurry to write my will. It's like saying, "Okay, God. I've decided where everything's going. Beam me up, Scotty!"

I seriously wonder how many life insurance salesmen have a tendency to make people cry. "Would you like to buy something that will only benefit you after your husbands death?"**

Now that I've thought it over, maybe I would like SOME kind of insurance. In fact, I wonder if they have Zombie coverage...

I wonder what kind of life insurance company would carry that kind of coverage, and to what degree?

Maybe they only carry the naturally attained flesh eating zombie kind. The self inflicted virus kind, or Sumatran Rat Wolf infected kind isn't covered by most companies. And they only have a limited offer kind, available in the month of October when zombies are obviously running rampant throughout the nation.

I'm hoping they would also provide a quick and painless option. If I turned zombie, I would want them to cut off my head, cut out my heart, burn my body parts and respective organs seperately, and then spread them throughout four major bodies of water on the earth. Heck, even shooting my ashes out into space sounds good as long as both my body and soul are at rest. But even then, I'm not sure if life insurance covers the soul part of death.

I wonder what kind of special extras you could sign up for, too... Maybe protection for your family from yourself? A self containment center, sort of like an entertainment center. Available for the family members who still want to visit you, but want the protection of three inches of glass just in case there's not enough human left in you to have mercy with your own flesh and blood... *evil laughter* And for those unfortunate families who can't afford any of those special offers, they'll give the family of the recently deceased, but still up and running a complimentary roll of duct tape to keep your flesh on your body, and see how affective it really is on mouths.

I'm rambling now. This is waaay too much. But at least whoever signed up for that insurance has the possibility of seeing that money again, even if it is in a sort of maniacal dead way...

*Coffee from Starbucks is around 4 dollars a cup. When will the madness end?! At least I'm not a coffee drinker... No, I'm a sucker for their blueberry muffins and such... Darn.

**...Of course the wife's all for it, and the husband realizes his place in the marriage, breaks down and cries, and tries to kill himself that night. ("Sorry, we don't cover suicides.")