Thursday, August 25, 2005

Hades in a Bag

Coming in at 170 calories per serving, and 99 cents per medium sized bag, "Flamin' Hot" Cheetos (Crunchy) is one of the most addictive things to the average Latina. (I can kidd because I'm one of them.)

These things are so freakishly delicious! After get over the fact that you're practically burning your tongue off with every bite, of course. Flamin' Hot Cheetos lovers everywhere know what I'm talking about. There's a certain sweet aftertaste that comes after the first initial burning. It's especially detectable when licking off the excess Cheeto fuzz off your fingers.

And there's certain rules about FHC. Like, there are certain areas on your tongue you need to place them if you don't want to burn off the important tastesbuds.* (Like, all of them...!) Also, never give a first time FHC eater the smallest Cheeto [unless you're mean...:)] because it's the one packed with the most seasoning. Try and give them a bigger, lighter red one. And water doesn't work. Milk and chocolate work better. Don't even think about soda, it just makes things worse. Especially warm Barqs rootbeer... But that's another story. Oh yeah, and after riddiculous amounts of consumption, these babies will burn just as bad coming out as they did going in. Trust me on that one. Not a pleasant experience.**

Because of the undeniable fact that my family has hispanic/latin (yes, there's a difference) my grandma enjoys these things just as much as I do, if not more. She's one of those people who could eat those trippy Guatemalan chilis (as shown on the Simpsons) and still make a batch of tortillas within the hour.

Sadly, my mother does not share the caliente gene that was bestowed upon me and my grandmother. I guess it just skipped a generation. So the first time my mother tried a FHC, it was an audible experience for everyone. I swear, her scream rang true throughout the entire cul-de-sac. My sister and I were both waken from the stupor called Saturday morning cartoons and ran into the kitchen to see what had killed our beloved mom. The perpetrator lay on the counter, and mother was gulping down as much water as she could possibly swallow. Long story short, she hasnt tried them since, although we've offered them to her many a time following this event.

My advice to you, the FHC virgins: try them at least once. You either like 'em, or hate 'em. Either that, or you eventually like them because if you don't, you're not cool, like your cool friends. Or should I say hot?

*Unfortunately, I haven't aquired this ability. But after a couple more years of experience, I might be able to.

**It seemed so worth it at the time... That was before the cramping started... ugh.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

No Blazing Please

A couple of months ago, there appeared writing on the ground. It went as follows:

This along with a couple other things were written. Nothing too bad, mostly things such as what's written above, and, "Just blaze". Pretty much harmless.

So, I responded to their question:

In case you can't read it, the writing above says:

"Actually, no. Not everyone blazes. That's just a generalization that you're unrightfully assuming. And, if you just said that everyone does, why are you asking if we do? Come back when you're in the right state of mind."

Well... I thought it was pretty funny.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

wet wild and contaminated

This Saturday I'm considering (considering) going to Wild Rivers with one of my friends. But this brings back such bad memories. I mean, besides the sun burns and crying kids.

There's this huge river-ish type thing that floats throughout a part of the park, and you can just relax and make your way down stream on it. So, the last time I went to Wild Rivers, or some other park of such nature, I was floating on downstream, when I look down and see a bandaid. With a splotch of blood on the white part.

Yeah, I got out asap.

Hence forth I've been a little iffy about going to places like that. There's only so many places you can go without bumping into something (or someone) infested in that place.

Then I got to thinking. I asked the same friend that invited me to go if the ph level of chlorine is greater than the ph level of our blood (7.4). He guessed that chlorine was about 7.3 - 7.6. But that 0.1 sorta bugs me. He mentioned the fact that it's so low because the chlorine is diluted. And since bodies covered in who knows what along with sweat and what not* are making their way through the water, it might be even more diluted. That and because there's so much water, it might even be almost as bad as just water.

And there better not be any pervs there. But of course there will be. Big fat hairy men who are waaay past their prime and know it, which is why they're there in the first place.

Hm... so that's a couple factors against me.
  1. Sun burn
  2. Dirty water
  3. Raw skin that can easily soak up the nasty water
  4. Walking around half naked
  5. Not being able to go home and wash off
  6. Evil pervs...

Maybe I'll take a rain check on this whole trip thing. But then again, I'm doing this for my friend... and so that I can get out of so many other things that people are trying to get me to do over the weekend. :)

*Not to mention the kids that try to drink the water and spit it out again. I know you're out there, my brother is guilty of such act!


I was standing in the bathroom, awaiting the right moment to hop into the shower, when I realize that there's something in my throat. I feel the outside of it, and then place my fingers on either side of my esophagus. Whilst I begin to wiggle it around, something dislodges and I can breathe normally again. What the frell was that? My gosh, people, I just performed minor surgery on myself.

Anyways, the real reason why I came to blog on this fine almost work day. I realized that I'm a soap whore. In fact, I'm a pretty much all lubricant included whore, besides the lube. (No, I don't mean like that. Pervs.)

I feel as though I almost eat soap, because it goes so fast. I just barely realized this when I went to stay with my friend Ana at UCR. I used her soap, and afterwards, I realized that poor Ana had about half as less soap as she had when she handed it to me. And she has to buy her own soap.

Then I realized that I use up lotion so freakin' fast, it's unbelieveable. And don't even get me started on chapstick. I seriously spend waaay too much time greasing myself up with everything.

I just want to be clean!